There may very well have been worse movies released this year than the ones featured on this list – but that’s probably because they looked so awful to begin with that I refused to see them. So if you’re wondering why Scary Movie 5, The Smurfs 2 and Tyler Perry’s A Madea Christmas haven’t made the cut – that’s the reason. The following are all movies that had the potential to be decent but were unsuccessful in every way imaginable.
10) Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters
An identity crisis of a movie – unable to decide if it wants to be a fantasy/action comedy or a gothic horror thriller. One gets the idea that horror movie director Tommy Wirkola wanted more of the latter while producers Will Ferrell and Adam McKay were pushing for the former. What results is a mess of a movie that isn’t as fun or entertaining as it thinks it is.
9) Runner Runner
A Wall Street clone which uses recycled plot devices to tell a familiar story. As a thriller, there’s little in the way of suspense and as a drama, there’s little in the way of intrigue. Both bland and forgettable, Runner Runner isn’t even amongst the better of the second-tier Wall Street knockoffs.
8) Grown Ups 2
This so called comedy meanders from one lame “comedic” set-piece to another, devoid of any sense of plot or structure. That wouldn’t be such a problem if any of it were funny, but it rarely is. So lazy and uninspired, the all-star cast barely gets anything funny to say or do in what might just be the worst and most juvenile Adam Sandler production yet.
Danny Boyle dropped the ball on this inscrutable crime thriller that adds up to a whole bunch of nothing. A movie which doesn’t realize that being incomprehensible isn’t the same thing as being complex.
A shameless Men in Black ripoff featuring some of the worst CGI effects of any major blockbuster in recent memory. Another movie that wants to be a mindless blast and probably believes that it is – but any semblance of fun is lost on the audience.
5) Movie 43
As much as it may be commendable for the Farrelly Brothers to try something a little out there and off the beaten path – when it’s this massive of a failure it hardly matters. They somehow managed to call in a lot of favors from A-list actors to appear in this turd, stars such as Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Naomi Watts and Richard Gere – all of whom embarrass themselves.
4) Last Vegas
Yet another film full of Oscar winners whom aren’t known for the comedic chops marring their resumes in a painfully unfunny movie. Robert DeNiro, Michael Douglas, Morgan Freeman and Kevin Kline are all clearly here to pick up a paycheck and it shows. It’s sloppily structured, meandering from one laugh-free comedic set-piece to another.
3) Girl Most Likely
It’s a real shame that the funny and talented Kristen Wiig followed up one of the funniest comedies of 2011, Bridesmaids, with the dullest and least funny comedy of 2013. Tries to be quirky and eccentric but just comes off irritating, Girl Most Likely isn’t likely to engage or entertain anyone.
2) The Lords of Salem
Rob Zombie is responsible for creating two of the best horror movies ever made, House of 1000 Corpses and its pseudo sequel The Devil’s Rejects, but now he’s guilty of one of the worst. This failed homage to Rosemary’s Baby isn’t creepy – it’s just unpleasant.
1) After Earth
Has got to take the crown for the most boring summer blockbuster ever made if not the worst. It’s an action movie starring Will Smith where he sits in a chair for the entirety of the movie and lets son Jaden Smith take on the hero roll. I don’t have such a problem with the nepotism as I do the ineptitude. What the hell happened to M. Night Shyamalan? And who at Sony read this script and thought it was a good idea to pour $130 million into? Nearly unwatchable and yes- the worst movie of the year!